Witches have existed in one form or another since the dawn of mankind. There is a delicate, precarious balance between normal human beings and these sub-human, evil creatures. For thousands of years this balance has been kept, however in the last quarter century things have begun to slide.
Look closely and you will notice the signs all around you. Global warming, a failing national economy, natural and man made disasters such as earthquakes, oil spills, tsunamis and flooding. The witch ranks are growing, and it is up to us fair and righteous stewards of the earth to be ever vigilant in hopes of weeding out these horrible creatures and restoring the balance.
Witches are cunning, malevolent and horribly destructive. They are directly responsible for all of the worlds problems. Have you ever taken a second to think about why native steelhead and salmon are disappearing from the Puget Sound and other previous strongholds? One word: WITCHES.
Think about it….
Pay attention next time you are on the stream and you just might run into one. Witches love fishing and the odds are good that you are sharing your favorite run with at least one witch. Who knows, it may be the guy fishing right next to you, or even your fishing buddy. There may be a witch reading this blog post at this very moment!
My goal is to prepare you for a possible witch encounter. Your first line of defense is knowing how to tell the difference between a witch and a normal fisherman.
How to Tell if the Steelhead Angler Fishing Near You is a Witch:
Catching Fish: This one is a no brainer. If the guy catches a steelhead he has obviously used some kind of encantation or magic spell and is definitely a witch. Do not let him catch another one, for every steelhead a witch catches one thousand baby steelhead die on their journey to the ocean.
Bait: Is he fishing with bait? All bait fishermen are witches.
Accessories: Witches love to disguise themselves by outfitting in all of the latest trends. How many Simms logos can you see? There is some gray area here, but in general the more money a guy spends on his fishing outfit the more likely it is that he is a witch.
Lingo: Witches can’t help themselves. They know they catch more fish than normal fishermen and they love to brag about it. Phrases like “I was slaying the steelhead yesterday”, “I bonked two before lunch”, or “It was lights out” are dead giveaways. Nobody catches lots of steelhead… Unless they are a witch.
Switch Rods: Is he fishing a rod over ten feet in a single handed fashion? A switch rod is like a magic wand used to enchant steelhead. Surely a witch. Take away the “S” and what does it spell? Think about it.
Nymph fishing: Bobbers? Witches are lazy. They use magic spells to catch fish. They don’t want to take the time to learn how to cast or read water, they just want to look like they know what they are doing so that people don’t realize they are using magic. Plunking, side drifting and boondoggling are the witches preferred methods of steelhead fishing, however more and more are disguising themselves as fly fishermen. Is he nymphing for steelhead? Witch.
These are the main giveaways of a witch on your hallowed stream. Learn these well, they may save your life!